Yggology – Rules and Notions
1. Every thing has an yggality [but see no. 8]. A thing’s yggality is simply the number of yggs assigned to it. An ygg is nothing other than a unit with the specific property that it can be assigned to any thing.
2. A thing may have anywhere from one to 10,000 yggs assigned to it. In other words, a thing’s yggality will always be a number from 1 to 10,000 (inclusive). Two different things with the same yggality are known as sibs, and they will share a bond, the strength of which will be inversely proportionate to the affinity between the said things apart from their yggality.
3. A dog has an yggality of 22.
4. Yggs are always whole and yggality is never fractional. In effective terms, it means that fractions of yggs should always be rounded down, as the would-be ygg part is annihilated.
5. An image of a thing has one-tenth the number of yggs as the thing itself except in the case where the original yggality is less than 10 [see no. 6] . For example, if X has an yggality of 900, then a photo of X will have an yggality of 90, and a photocopy of the same photo will have an yggality of 9. An image of a dog has 2 yggs, because 22/10 is 2.2 and the fractional ygg is annihilated.
6. An image of a thing with an yggality between 1 and 10 has 33 times the yggality of the original thing, unless the resulting number of yggs exceeds 10,000 in which case the yggality is just 10,000. For example if X has an yggality of 7 then a drawing of X will have an yggality of 231, and a photo of that drawing will have 7,623 yggs. A fax of that photo will have an yggality of 10,000.
7. Thoughts are images of things, unless the thing exists only in though, in which case the thought is the thing. For example, a thought of a dog has an yggality of 2. A thought of a photo of a dog has an yggality of 66 [by successive application of nos. 5 and 6].
8. Unique things are not assigned yggs, or one might say their yggality is always zero. For example, Napoleon has an yggality of 0. However, the position of Emperor of France, or the condition of having been born in Corsica, or of being short in stature, may be assigned a number of yggs. These different yggalities are then applicable to Napoleon.
9. A thing may have different yggalities if viewed from different perspectives, that is, strictly speaking, viewed as different things. A Corsican does not equal a short person. But someone might be both. In this case, if being a Corsican has an yggality of X and being a short person has an yggality of Y, then if we view Napoleon as a Corsican or as a short person he will have an yggality of X or Y respectively. If we hold both judgments about Napoleon simultaneously then the yggality will be the average between the two yggalities, rounded down as needed.
10. An average yggality of 2 or more yggalities has absolutely no bearing on the yggality of a thing construed as the same set of qualities seen as a unit. For example,if the yggality of a short Corsican person is Z, then there will be no connection between Z and (X + Y) / 2 [using the values in no.9]. This of course does not preclude the possibility of the two yggalities chancing to be the same.
11. Yggality is assigned, or discovered, by human beings. Any human being may assign an yggality to a thing, just as long as 1) the thing does not yet have a number of yggs assigned to it and 2) said person does not exceed one assignment per day. Once an yggality has been assigned, it is eternal.
12. If two persons were to assign different yggalities to the same thing on the same day, confusion would ensue. To prevent this, a central ygg recordkeeper is required. This function is termed Ygghögg.
13. I am the Ygghögg.
14. Possession of yggs is defined as the addition of the yggalities of every thing within one’s current sensory and/or conceptual apprehension. This apprehension must be conscious and absolute. Just thinking that one is thinking about 100 dogs will not result in a gain of 200 yggs. If one is literally thinking about seven of them then one will simply possess 14 yggs.
An illustration: say I own two dogs and am currently looking at both of them. I will possess at that moment 44 yggs [by visual apprehension]. If I also happen to hear a dog barking across the road [auditory apprehension], then I will possess an extra 22 yggs. If at the same exact moment I am holding a photo of a dog [tactile apprehension of an image] and am thinking of another, fifth dog [thought/image], then the total number of yggs in my possession will be 70 [22 + 22+ 22 + 2 + 2].
[Everything stated in nos. 6, 7 and 8 applies in the case of possession as well.]
15. Skillful manipulation of yggs, by way of their possession, can bring about great power.
16. The possession of 5,000 yggs will bring good luck.
17. The possession of one’s favorite number of yggs will intensify the impact of whatever event is about to occur when the possession takes place.
For example, say that my favorite number is 10, and I am about to interview for a job. When I dressed up for the interview, I taped 5 photos of dogs to my chest. Just before the interview is to take place, I bring my attention to the photos and feel them on my chest, thus coming into possession of 10 yggs. At this point, if I am qualified for the position, chances are good that I will be welcome with open arms on the spot and given the salary that I asked for. If I am not qualified, I will probably not even make it to the second round of interviews…I might even be insulted on the way out.
18. The possession of 9 million and 1 yggs [9,000,001] will unlock the gates to another realm, of which more later…
19. The possession of a number of yggs at a time equivalent to that number (in military time) gives the possessor Courage. Time here is local time, but without consideration for Daylight Savings Time.
For example, say the time is 3:30 in the afternoon. This is 1530 in military time, and is thus equivalent to 1,530 yggs. If I possess 1,530 yggs in this exact minute then I will gain in courage for whatever I choose to do immediately following this.
An illustration: say a general has scheduled a battle charge at 0600 hours. A good strategy would be to place a big sign with an image of a thing with an yggality of 6,000. That way, all of the soldiers can look at the sign (= 600 yggs) at 0600 hours and charge right after this. The chances of victory will be greatly increased.
dogs – 22
mountains – 310
aluminum cans – 43
black dogs – 100
Mountain Dew cans – 167
cats with ribbons – 999
gems – 1
things occurring naturally in pairs (e.g. shoes, twins) – 9
band t-shirts – 8
ocean waves – 90
tulips – 234
islands – 70
grains of sand – 11
fountain pens – 400
stalactites – 6
stalagmites – 3
eels – 6
underwear – 5
pajama pants – 8
red eyes – 7
uniforms – 1933
blue eyes – 63
green lights – 78
Taco Bell restaurants – 5000
pizza – 104
scars – 127
poems – 1555
bathtubs – 3311
mirrors – 68
penises – 11