Do You Vant to Pet my Jevel (a scene from the anime play)

[extremely annoying and not at all informative, you’ve been warned!]

SYNOPSIS OF THE PLAY SO FAR:  The Kelleys, a widow and her son, live on a large estate in —–bury.  Albert is madly in love with Aya, a popular actress.  Margaret, Albert’s mother, is vehemently opposed to the match even as she delights in the courtship of a mysterious German artiste by the name of Dieter.  Margaret has just overheard rumors suggesting that Albert is secretly watching Aya’s new show Jewel Pet.  She decides to confront her son and shame him into abandoning his wild pursuit.

"Rabbits and other assorted creatures have ravaged it"

"Rabbits and other assorted creatures have ravaged it"


[Margaret]  Did you take care of the garden as I told you?

[Albert]  Oh, not this again, Mother!

[Margaret]  You haven’t.  This is unbearable.

[Albert]  Pray tell, Mother, what is unbearable?

[Margaret]  Should I beg you?  Is that what you want from me?  A mother begging to her son, her only child!

[Albert]  I don’t see what is so unreasonable about wanting to know.  Rabbits and other assorted creatures have ravaged it, the flowers are all withered, just what am I supposed to do with the bloody garden!

[Margaret]  Dear, that language…

[Albert]  I’m about to start believing there is some deeper meaning to this request of yours…

[Margaret]  What!

[Albert]  “Take care of the garden”, “take care of the garden”.  I’ll remind you, I’ve read all of Freud’s volumes in Father’s library.

"Pets transforming into jewels..."

"Pets transforming into jewels..."

[Margaret]  No need to discuss Mr. Kelley now.  Enough!  [she grins]  Well, I don’t find it odd you would mention rabbits…

[Albert]  And what is that supposed to mean?  [he rises, then sits again]

[Margaret]  Why, nothing really.  I just heard you’ve been watching Jewel Pet!

[Albert]  Oh, that.  That is−

[Margaret]  Pets transforming into jewels for who knows what purpose.  Has your crazed passion for that flirt gone so far, I wonder.  [she stares at him]  Yes, it has!  An actress portraying a rabbit!

[Albert]  She plays the kitten, and I’ll have you know there is no finer puss in the land.

[Margaret]  She’s a cocotte.

[Albert] A goddess.

[Margaret]  She plays a goddess.  Even I know that!  How could you confuse such a matter?  A pitiful fan you are.

"...there is no finer puss in the land."

"...there is no finer puss in the land."

[Albert]  A goddess she is to me, and that is all that matters.  Love, mother, if you would but remember…

[Margaret]  Enough.

[Albert]  You felt it once.

[Margaret]  Ha!

[Albert]  Have the heart to recognize it in my own.

[Margaret]  You jest at scars…

[Albert]  Or perhaps you’ve forgotten, ensnared as you are by that−

[Margaret]  Stop right there.

[Albert]  −German fool, your Dieter.

[Margaret]  That man−

[Albert]  That is not a man.  I do not know who or what that is, but it is not a man.  Do you see the way your Dieter plays with his monkey?  He asked me to pet it the other day, you know.

[Margaret]  He asks everyone that.  He is courteous.  And in any case, who are you to talk about the ways of men, you Jewel Pet viewer.  I am through with begging, I command you to stop pining after that Aya woman!

"A goddess."

"A goddess."

[Albert]  I shall never–

[the door bell rings, Margaret opens the door.  Enter Dieter]

[Dieter]  Hello, everyone.

[Margaret]  Good morning.  What a surprise.

[Albert grunts]

[Dieter]  Do you vant to pet my jevel?

[Margaret]  Your what?  Oh, I see, oh but those are…

[Albert]  Jewel Pets!

[Dieter]  Ja, ze Jevel Pets.  Ruby and Garnet and…

[Albert]  Oo–ohh.  Let me see Garnet, let me–

[Margaret falls unconscious to the floor etc usw…]


NOTE: Dieter is a copyrighted character.  I just borrowed him for a bit.

~ by Haloed Bane on April 16, 2009.

5 Responses to “Do You Vant to Pet my Jevel (a scene from the anime play)”

  1. Good thing there is Aya Hirano there to make your post incredible..

  2. Watson’s study is often misinterpreted and effects exaggerated.

  3. —->This post

    —->String Theory

    —->My head


  4. @Ishimaru

    Uhh, thanks(?).


    At first I thought Watson was your odd nickname for Freud. Then when I looked it up a guy called Watson who did the “Little Albert” experiment popped up, and the experiment even included rabbits! Is that who you were referring too? First time I hear about it.

    Initially I wanted the main character to be called Edward Kelley, of Elizabethan fame, but then I changed it to Albert so the initials would be A.K. That’s all..


    I don’t believe in String Theory, or in so-called germs either.

  5. Yes, that’s the experiment I referred to.

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