Do You Vant to Pet my Jevel (a scene from the anime play)
[extremely annoying and not at all informative, you’ve been warned!]
SYNOPSIS OF THE PLAY SO FAR: The Kelleys, a widow and her son, live on a large estate in —–bury. Albert is madly in love with Aya, a popular actress. Margaret, Albert’s mother, is vehemently opposed to the match even as she delights in the courtship of a mysterious German artiste by the name of Dieter. Margaret has just overheard rumors suggesting that Albert is secretly watching Aya’s new show Jewel Pet. She decides to confront her son and shame him into abandoning his wild pursuit.
[Margaret] Did you take care of the garden as I told you?
[Albert] Oh, not this again, Mother!
[Margaret] You haven’t. This is unbearable.
[Albert] Pray tell, Mother, what is unbearable?
[Margaret] Should I beg you? Is that what you want from me? A mother begging to her son, her only child!
[Albert] I don’t see what is so unreasonable about wanting to know. Rabbits and other assorted creatures have ravaged it, the flowers are all withered, just what am I supposed to do with the bloody garden!
[Margaret] Dear, that language…
[Albert] I’m about to start believing there is some deeper meaning to this request of yours…
[Albert] “Take care of the garden”, “take care of the garden”. I’ll remind you, I’ve read all of Freud’s volumes in Father’s library.
[Margaret] No need to discuss Mr. Kelley now. Enough! [she grins] Well, I don’t find it odd you would mention rabbits…
[Albert] And what is that supposed to mean? [he rises, then sits again]
[Margaret] Why, nothing really. I just heard you’ve been watching Jewel Pet!
[Albert] Oh, that. That is−
[Margaret] Pets transforming into jewels for who knows what purpose. Has your crazed passion for that flirt gone so far, I wonder. [she stares at him] Yes, it has! An actress portraying a rabbit!
[Albert] She plays the kitten, and I’ll have you know there is no finer puss in the land.
[Margaret] She’s a cocotte.
[Albert] A goddess.
[Margaret] She plays a goddess. Even I know that! How could you confuse such a matter? A pitiful fan you are.
[Albert] A goddess she is to me, and that is all that matters. Love, mother, if you would but remember…
[Albert] You felt it once.
[Albert] Have the heart to recognize it in my own.
[Margaret] You jest at scars…
[Albert] Or perhaps you’ve forgotten, ensnared as you are by that−
[Margaret] Stop right there.
[Albert] −German fool, your Dieter.
[Margaret] That man−
[Albert] That is not a man. I do not know who or what that is, but it is not a man. Do you see the way your Dieter plays with his monkey? He asked me to pet it the other day, you know.
[Margaret] He asks everyone that. He is courteous. And in any case, who are you to talk about the ways of men, you Jewel Pet viewer. I am through with begging, I command you to stop pining after that Aya woman!
[Albert] I shall never–
[the door bell rings, Margaret opens the door. Enter Dieter]
[Dieter] Hello, everyone.
[Margaret] Good morning. What a surprise.
[Dieter] Do you vant to pet my jevel?
[Margaret] Your what? Oh, I see, oh but those are…
[Albert] Jewel Pets!
[Dieter] Ja, ze Jevel Pets. Ruby and Garnet and…
[Albert] Oo–ohh. Let me see Garnet, let me–
[Margaret falls unconscious to the floor etc usw…]
NOTE: Dieter is a copyrighted character. I just borrowed him for a bit.