My Anime Harem

I’ve noticed the spread of maiwaifu lists coming out of my blog reader. After ghostlightning’s post in June, I read digiboy’s on the 20th of August, ETERNAL’s on the 30th and Kairu’s the next day.   I wanted to join in the trend, but as I have a marvelous 3-D waifu who fulfills all my needs AND brooks no rivals (not even animated ones) I decided to come up with one of them anime harems.  I know this is sooo 2008 but anyways, concubines are not wives so I think this is a perfectly acceptable thing for me to do…

I limited myself to characters in anime shows that I have finished watching (for once my MAL anime list came of use!!!).  So without further ado, here it is!!  The harem:

It's bigger than this, so go ahead and click!

Ecco Seraglio!

I guess there’s not much to explain when it comes to a harem, but as you’ve possibly come to expect intricate pseudo-philosophical explanations from this blog, I’ll explain my choices a bit [NOTE: “R” stands for “rockin'”, “B” stands for “body”, “A” stands for “awesome”, “H” stands for “hair”]

Blair: RB + AH + I like cats

CC: RB + AH + I like pizza too

Jung-Freud: E = RB²

Maetel: (AH x 999) + mysterious nature

Medusa: soulmate [emphasis on mate, though]

Asuka Langley Sohryuh: RB + AH + positive attitude to life in general

Tsubaki Nakatsukasa: RB + kindness

Chihiro Shindoh: eyepatch + voice + moe

If you think it’s weird that I’ve put three characters from Soul Eater in there, know that I was tempted to make the harem exclusive to that series (Eruka, Chrona, Mizune, Maka etcetera etcetera).

Chihiro Shindoh from the ef shows might seem out of place here.  Indeed, she even looks nervous next to the other gals.  Actually, she would be near the top of maiwaifu list if I were to make one, but even so I think she’d be a great calming presence (along with Tsubaki) over the harem as a whole.

But of course, the key to a happy and successful harem is the careful arrangement of living quarters.  Fortunately, I have read the entirety of The Tale of Genji and thus consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject.  Here’s the layout of my quarters, based on the basic Heian period pattern shinden-zukuri (for future reference, check out this great article on  shinden-zukuri).

That red thing is a bridge, yo!

That red thing is a bridge, yo!

BTW, I’d be in the Main Hall.

1) The Fishing Pavilion – this is where anyone can go chill out when they’re angry.  Take it out on the carp, I say.

2) The Western Pavilion – CC and Blair live here.  They can gossip and do each other’s hair.

3) The hut – Medusa stays here.  I’m scared she’d destroy the residence with all of her magic and taking over the world business.  In any case, I think she’s somewhat of a loner.  But notice the secret serpentine underground passageway connecting to the Main Hall…

4) The Northern Pavilion – Maetel and Jung-Freud’s abode.  I reckon Jung-Freud has enough spacefaring experience to get into some interesting conversations with Maetel.  Besides, they both seem to enjoy shower scenes so this pavilion comes with a large bath.

5) The Northeastern Pavilion – Asuka can knock herself out here (padded walls).  I mean, I hope she’s got her demons under her control but just in case she doesn’t I’ve arranged for this place that is easily accessed by:

6) The Eastern Pavilion – Chihiro and Tsubaki can take turns looking over Asuka.  This will be the most peaceful of the pavilions no doubt.  And I figure they’re both early birds so they won’t mind the sunrise.  [Notice CC and Blair can sleep soundly in the Western Pavilion after doing each other.]

7) The Drunken Poetry Party Pavilion – Overlooking the pond, but not quite reaching it, some awesome parties can be had here.  No doubt.

…after doing each other’s hair!  Sorry #6 got cut off.

~ by Haloed Bane on September 2, 2009.

21 Responses to “My Anime Harem”

  1. Bwahahaha. Great job in planning out the actual living quarters. Most forget that harems are often attached to a specific chamber. Also, I notice that your grading system is rather similar to the Fatima ranking system in The Five Star Stories. Nice touch!

  2. As usual, your post is the best :p fucking brilliant, and you have a great harem, all women I’d fuck the shit out of and would marry if I wasn’t convinced one of us would destroy the other. Chihiro is actually one I’d put on my list if I really thought I had the strength for her. However, I think I’m more suited for an independent gal, though not so ineffectual as CC.

    LOVE your housing situation, got my imagination running. I can’t help but think of the pond as a source of genderbending hijinks. Ranma has poisoned my mind!

  3. I would’ve preferred to live out in the small house. I think it would be cool. Also, I would build the main house with lots of large windows and utilize the invention called binoculars a lot.

  4. Regular laundry list harem posts were getting boring. I had an idea where I’d specify the exact position of each character in the harem, but your room-based harem positioning complete with crappy paint floor plan outdoes it. So now the crappy harem post I was probably never going to publish is officially dead. Thanks.

  5. A harem post to end all harem posts!

  6. This is going in the harem post history books. If there isn’t one, we’ll make one.

  7. The real question is, do you glow with ethereal light like Genji does?

    I mean from what I’ve read of The Tale of Genji, there are parts that sound like some kind of weird Heian shoujo manga, although I’m sure that’s mostly me retrojecting stuff back to the 11th century. If it had been from the 20th century you can bet he’d have bubbles and roses around him a lot.

  8. I lol’ed at the living quarters and explanations. But Blair is my waifu, dammit!

    Still, so many Soul Eater choices. :\

  9. LOL Okay I’m just going to ignore the temptation of drafting an actual architectural plan and model of my harem (o god).

    As for the members in your harem, C.C. is probably the only one I would hire if I were to fill up 8 spots in mine. Only watched few episodes of Soul Eater (although Maka made a very favourable impression), Maetel’s too high class, haven’t watched Gunbuster, Asuka is a little bit too pedo (14) and insane, and unlike most people I absolutely loathe Chihiro’s voice. There are far better fling choices in ef =(

  10. Mai Anime Harem and Waifu List is the new cancer! wwww

  11. @ghostlightning

    Fatima Ranking System?! What?? I haven’t come across that yet. I’ve only read the first volume or so. Mamoru Nagano was probably retroactively sucking my brain for ideas.


    Actually, I’m thinking of post-trauma Chihiro, like at the very end of the show when she’s starting to remember stuff. No way I’m gonna deal with full-blown memory loss girl. Too hi-maintenance.


    Initially I thought of placing peepholes in strategic situations, but then I realized: WTF! I’m the lord of the manor here! I don’t need no peepholes. I just open the door and go in.


    You’re welcome. When you say “positions”, what sort do you mean?


    Like the war to end all wars. No, wait. We haven’t had that one yet..


    A harem game would be awesome. Like, pit your harem against the opponent’s harem. Round-robin style. Hmm…


    I don’t need ethereal light and stuff. The residence is surrounded by a high-voltage fence that is also magicproof. And I swallowed the only key.


    Set the kitty free, and let the kitty decide between us. I’ve got the fancy tuna already in the fridge though!!


    Don’t resist it. Design it, build it, and the harem will come. It’s in your hands.


    One man’s cancer is another man’s tumor so…wait…no, that ain’t right. One man’s cancer is another man’s..darn, I forgot already. Hooray!

  12. >>Actually, I’m thinking of post-trauma Chihiro, like at the very end of the show when she’s starting to remember stuff. No way I’m gonna deal with full-blown memory loss girl. Too hi-maintenance.

    Now see, that’s cheating. I considered this possibility, as I put it as well with Revy, but I felt like at that point, they already belong to the guy who straightened them out.

  13. One position would be sprawled on the floor in front of me. Another would be hanging onto my right shoulder while pouring me a drink. Stuff like that.

  14. @digiboy

    Yup, it’s cheating but all is fair in love and war. Once I tell her that wimpy boyfriend of her is actually a girl (voice actress) she’ll be ready to come along.


    And I guess one of them could be the cup taster to make sure the drink is tainted. Or not tainted. Whatever. Hmm..

  15. I bow before your awesome mastery of MS Paint, the water is impressively rendered. Although, one element you may have difficulty though with such a diverse harem would be the courtyard garden; I imagine while some of the girls may be fine with anything, I can’t quite see Medusa settling for a… garden-variety set of plants. (yes, that was a terrible pun)

    Oh, and to complete the phrase you directed at Kairu: “One man’s cancer is another doctor’s paycheque.”

  16. @vendredi

    Ah yes, le cheque. Hmm, don’t you all think maybe I didn’t use MS Paint. That maybe in fact I’m such an amazingly talented artist I used a ridiculously expensive art software and made it LOOK as if it was MS Paint?

    If Medusa wants to grow Venus fly-traps and stuff, there’s enough space around her hut to do so. Settled!!

  17. @ghostlightning

    I saw that Fatima grading system you talked about. LOVE.

  18. I only realise now that there’s no way to guarantee a harem wouldn’t eventually destroy itself. And its master.

  19. got to love the hut picked for Medusa, even if she is a complete bitch I love her so much XD seriously, her arrow magic is pretty cool really ^^ (just gets annoying when she uses it too much, agreed. )

    • I think the pathway from the hut to the main hall is a vector arrow yes. Now let’s hope this upcoming chapter of Soul Eater has that witch!!

  20. […] Animekritik […]

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