My Male Anime Harem
This is not going to be some gimmicky attempt to get blog hits while preserving your perception of my masculinity intact, nor is this going to be a harem filled with cop-out choices and guys that look and act just like girls. This is simply my answer to the question: if I had to build an anime harem out of male characters, who would I choose?
Here’s the answer:
The way it works on the island (duh, of course it’s an island) is like this: each weeknight has a theme to it, and each harem member is assigned a night. Monday belongs to Lelouch, and…hold on, did I say the name of the island is Valhalla La La? Anyway, Lelouch is in charge of Conspiracy Night. Nobody is actually sure what they’re supposed to do on Conspiracy Night because Lelouch doesn’t like to delegate duties and people don’t remember what’s happened after they’ve been geassed anyway. We’re all really happy Lelouch is here because, seriously, he’s had such trouble with women and it’s about time he came to a place which he can call home.
Tuesday belongs to David Young, and shame on you if you don’t know who he is. David is in charge of Casino Night. Casino Night doubles up as Costume Night (I know I’m stating obvious things here but just in case). BTW Leiji fans might be shocked and dismayed that a certain dude called Harlock isn’t on this harem. Well, I just don’t see Harlock doing stuff like Costume Night, I really don’t…
Itsuki Koizumi is an obvious choice for the harem. Wednesday’s Conversation Night is his. We all sit around a campfire and talk about this or that. Itsuki comes up with the queerest topics, believe me!
Ah, Dio. Dio, Dio, Dio. Anyway, let’s leave Dio and Thursdays for later.
Friday, Evangelion‘s Kaji. Kaji is in charge of Cosmic Night. Cosmic Night may involve any or all of the following: controlled substances, uncontrolled substances, dancing, singing, uncontrolled sobbing etc. What’s interesting about Cosmic Night is that Kaji somehow always seems to be fine the next morning.
“Who’s Yuu Matsuura?” you ask? OK, look, I’ve given up on the world when it comes to Marmalade Boy. Yuu is this blond Japanese dude who plays basketball, let’s just leave it at that. He’s in charge of Saturday’s Cool Night. Now, technically, this was supposed to be the night where haremites show off their skillz, but it’s de facto become a Cool Off Night…most of us are so hungover after Cosmic Night that we need a night off. Kaji tends to disappear at these times, who knows what he’s up to.
Sunday is Shep’s. Shep has blue skin. Every good manly harem needs a blue-skinned fellow. You can quote me. Sunday nights are Smurf Nights and…nah, I’m joking. Shep takes care of Catharsis Night. This is a weird one so listen carefully: each week a harem member is chosen and he is allowed to do anything he wishes. Not only allowed, he is aided by all the others. If he has this crazy wish to climb up that palm tree, we’ll all help him. Usually what happens is that the guy will get really depressed as soon as he’s fulfilled this fervent desire. Then we give him a group hug. The end.
Seven nights, seven haremites. And the eighth is…me?? Yes. Why not? I’m a man, I can be in a male harem! Sure, I don’t have my own anime character yet but it’s only a matter of time…Naturally this means that when I called this “My Harem” I meant it as “Harem I belong to” and not “Harem belonging to me”. In fact, I’m harem captain (primus inter pares) and my role is to make sure everyone does their job each night. So whose harem is this???
And if you follow this blog you might remember she is a member of my own female anime harem, so in fact we’re both members of each other’s harems! And no one else but the two of us knows about this!!
Now you’ll wonder how can we possibly arrange this? How could Jung-Freud and I participate in Conversation Night AND hang out with Maetel, Medusa et al over at the other island??
It’s simple, the islands are on opposite ends of the world. Jung-Freud and I travel each day between them using a teleportation device we bought from a certain classic anime character who shall remain nameless (and earless).
So after Conversation Night, for example, we teleport to the other island and participate in the festivities there. And I still find time to write on this blog! My readers are very, very lucky!!
P.S. I haven’t forgotten about Dio. But I’d rather people tried to figure it out by themselves…
P.P.S. If you absolutely must know where these islands are, one of them is in the Pacific near the scene of a famous mutiny, and the other one is in the Kara Sea…