On the Tenth Day of Christmas…
…Captain Harlock gave to me:
(9 Ladies Dancing, 8 Maids-a-Milking,
7 Swans-a-Swimming, 6 Geezers Lying
5 Ohtori Academy Student Council Golden Rings~
4 Colly Birds, 3 French
Hens Maids, 2 Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree~)
There is no way what you’re doing is even remotely legal, man.
1. Harlock: Here we have a very famous collective of episodic bloggers.
AK: Colorful! Are all episodic bloggers more or less like this?
Harlock: Yes. Their eyes are simple and able to discern little more than light and dark.
AK: Ahhh, that’s what they can watch so much stuff and like it 🙂
Harlock: The adult form is without a shell.
AK: So they tend to be sensitive…
Harlock: …on some occasions, are cannibals, and prey on members of their own species.
AK: How crude and trollish. Wait! You’re not just reading this off of Wikipedia are you?!
2. Harlock: This blogger has been around for a while.
AK: What blogger? I can’t see anything.
Harlock: Look at the bottom. He’s hiding.
Harlock: This blogger is embarrassed at being an otaku but he has his own aniblog.
3. Harlock: As you can see, this blogger is very diffuse and is all over the place.
Harlock: In fact, his life resembles yours.
Harlock: Yes, he loves Video Girl Ai and he just came back from teaching in Japan. He’s you about 10 years ago.
AK: Ten years ago…So do you think I should warn him about not drinking screwdrivers on Halloween if there’s chicken…
Harlock: No. Let him learn. That’s part of the growing process.
AK: OK then.
4. Harlock: This blogger is a very successful terribad reviewer.
AK: Ah. He’s also known for his season previews and for reviewing OK shows too. He doesn’t just review bad shows, Harlock.
Harlock: He reviews bad shows too?
5. Harlock: Now we descend to a series of suicidal bloggers.
AK: What the–?! Are we in Aniblogger’s Inferno all of a sudden?
Harlock: Here we have a blogger who’s very difficult to decipher.
AK: How so?
Harlock: When he rants and raves it’s impossible to tell whether he is mocking society with the iconic wit of a Wilde or a Bukowski, or just begging to be committed to a mental institution.
Harlock: His artistic output prompts some to compare him to the primal instinct of a Basquiat or a Darger, and others to the quivering hand of a left-handed kindergartner still in the process of being forcibly converted to right-handedness by a cruel Japanese mother.
AK: This makes me sad somehow.
Harlock: Yes, let’s shed a tear for him.
6. Harlock: I have it on good authority that this next blogger has a brilliant mind, though he seems to begrudge that brilliance to pretty much everyone else at pretty much all times.
AK: What’s up with that background pic?!
Harlock: I’ve never taken a Psychology course in my life, but that just screams “arsonist” to me.
AK: Yup, I totally see it too. Can we shed a tear for him too?
Harlock: No. That would only encourage him.
7. Harlock: What do you think about this blogger?
AK: Oh. He’s got a very realistic mascot, that’s for sure. I imagine then that he’s into horror anime?
Harlock: He’s into many things.
AK: I bet.
8. Harlock: What do you think of this one?
AK: He strikes me as very jolly.
Harlock: The smell of metal arouses him.
AK: Geez. Well, to each his own as they say.
Harlock: He and the seventh blogger we just visited like to cosplay as Touga and Saionji.
AK: Hmmm. Oh well, to each his own…
Harlock: And I hear they like to pretend you’re Anthy.
AK: To each his….NO NO NO. Alright, now I’m suicidal. Let’s move on.
Harlock: We arrive now at the deepest level. These lads are beyond suicidal. They’re so twisted that their evil machinations threaten the very fabric of the blogosphere.
AK: Let’s meet them!
9. AK: Oh yeah. That’s pretty obvious right there.
Harlock: You haven’t seen anything yet. Read his profile.
AK: ……..Hmmm, I don’t get what all these things are. What the heck is a QUITS and a Melatin?!
Harlock: Computer viruses of some sort, likely. That cat there is mechanical as well, and reputed to feed on gypsy blood.
AK: Whoa. Devious. It looks like a real cat.
Harlock: Yes. This type of scheming blogger writes very little, but what they write is full of evil intent. Notice how his blog has light gray font on a white background?
Harlock: That’s a ploy to make us all go blind.
10. Harlock: And here is the worst of the worst.
AK: Hmm, girl avatar. That’s pretty common in the blogosphere. My avatar in Anime Nano is Ryomou too so….
Harlock: You’re only seeing what he wants you to see. Look at the bigger picture.
AK: “Rape Santa”?? What a sicko!
Harlock: Now you see.
AK: And what the heck is that green thing?
Harlock: Oh, his mascot is a Lamia.
Harlock: So if he tells you he’s not lazy and he’s slow to blog only because he’s doing stuff IRL, you’d better be afraid.
AK: I guess.
Harlock: I actually have one more surprise for you.
Harlock: Behold…your own mascot!!
TO BE CONTINUED.