On the Tenth Day of Christmas…

…Captain Harlock gave to me:

10 Lads-a-Blogging

(9 Ladies Dancing, 8 Maids-a-Milking, 7 Swans-a-Swimming, 6 Geezers Lying

5 Ohtori Academy Student Council Golden Rings~

4 Colly Birds, 3 French Hens Maids, 2 Turtle Doves and a Partridge in a Pear Tree~)

There is no way what you’re doing is even remotely legal, man.

OK…

1. Harlock: Here we have a very famous collective of episodic bloggers.

AK: Colorful!  Are all episodic bloggers more or less like this?

Harlock: Yes.   Their eyes are simple and able to discern little more than light and dark.

AK: Ahhh, that’s what they can watch so much stuff and like it🙂

Harlock: The adult form is without a shell.

AK: So they tend to be sensitive…

Harlock: …on some occasions, are cannibals, and prey on members of their own species.

AK: How crude and trollish.  Wait!  You’re not just reading this off of Wikipedia are you?!

2. Harlock: This blogger has been around for a while.

AK: What blogger?  I can’t see anything.

Harlock: Look at the bottom.  He’s hiding.

AK: Oh.

Harlock: This blogger is embarrassed at being an otaku but he has his own aniblog.

AK: Huh?!

3. Harlock: As you can see, this blogger is very diffuse and is all over the place.

AK: Aha.

Harlock: In fact, his life resembles yours.

AK: Really?

Harlock: Yes, he loves Video Girl Ai and he just came back from teaching in Japan.  He’s you about 10 years ago.

AK: Ten years ago…So do you think I should warn him about not drinking screwdrivers on Halloween if there’s chicken…

Harlock: No.  Let him learn.  That’s part of the growing process.

AK: OK then.

4. Harlock: This blogger is a very successful terribad reviewer.

AK: Ah.  He’s also known for his season previews and for reviewing OK shows too.  He doesn’t just review bad shows, Harlock.

Harlock: He reviews bad shows too?

5. Harlock: Now we descend to a series of suicidal bloggers.

AK: What the–?!   Are we in Aniblogger’s Inferno all of a sudden?

Harlock: Here we have a blogger who’s very difficult to decipher.

AK: How so?

Harlock: When he rants and raves it’s impossible to tell whether he is mocking society with the iconic wit of a Wilde or a Bukowski, or just begging to be committed to a mental institution.

AK: Wow.

Harlock: His artistic output prompts some to compare him to the primal instinct of a Basquiat or a Darger, and others to the quivering hand of a left-handed kindergartner still in the process of being forcibly converted to right-handedness by a cruel Japanese mother.

AK: This makes me sad somehow.

Harlock: Yes, let’s shed a tear for him.

6. Harlock: I have it on good authority that this next blogger has a brilliant mind, though he seems to begrudge that brilliance to pretty much everyone else at pretty much all times.

AK: What’s up with that background pic?!

Harlock: I’ve never taken a Psychology course in my life, but that just screams “arsonist” to me.

AK: Yup, I totally see it too.  Can we shed a tear for him too?

Harlock: No.  That would only encourage him.

7. Harlock: What do you think about this blogger?

AK: Oh.  He’s got a very realistic mascot, that’s for sure.  I imagine then that he’s into horror anime?

Harlock: He’s into many things.

AK: I bet.

8. Harlock: What do you think of this one?

AK: He strikes me as very jolly.

Harlock: The smell of metal arouses him.

AK: Geez.  Well, to each his own as they say.

Harlock: He and the seventh blogger we just visited like to cosplay as Touga and Saionji.

AK: Hmmm.  Oh well, to each his own…

Harlock: And I hear they like to pretend you’re Anthy.

AK: To each his….NO NO NO.  Alright, now I’m suicidal.  Let’s move on.

Harlock: We arrive now at the deepest level.  These lads are beyond suicidal.  They’re so twisted that their evil machinations threaten the very fabric of the blogosphere.

AK: Let’s meet them!

9. AK: Oh yeah.  That’s pretty obvious right there.

Harlock: You haven’t seen anything yet.  Read his profile.

AK: ……..Hmmm, I don’t get what all these things are.  What the heck is a QUITS and a Melatin?!

Harlock: Computer viruses of some sort, likely.  That cat there is mechanical as well, and reputed to feed on gypsy blood.

AK: Whoa.  Devious.  It looks like a real cat.

Harlock: Yes.  This type of scheming blogger writes very little, but what they write is full of evil intent.  Notice how his blog has light gray font on a white background?

AK: Yeah.

Harlock: That’s a ploy to make us all go blind.

AK: Sinister!

10. Harlock: And here is the worst of the worst.

AK: Hmm, girl avatar.  That’s pretty common in the blogosphere.  My avatar in Anime Nano is Ryomou too so….

Harlock: You’re only seeing what he wants you to see.  Look at the bigger picture.

AK: “Rape Santa”??  What a sicko!

Harlock: Now you see.

AK: And what the heck is that green thing?

Harlock: Oh, his mascot is a Lamia.

AK: Demented.

Harlock: So if he tells you he’s not lazy and he’s slow to blog only because he’s doing stuff IRL, you’d better be afraid.

AK: Darn.

Harlock: Happy?

AK: I guess.

Harlock: I actually have one more surprise for you.

AK: Really?

Harlock: Behold…your own mascot!!

AK: !!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED.

~ by Haloed Bane on December 23, 2011.

16 Responses to “On the Tenth Day of Christmas…”

  1. I told you man, my hair was pretty long and wavy, had it been green I would’ve been Saionji. I had a wood bokken at the time as well.

  2. Your description of me is pretty spot-on!

  3. >>He and the seventh blogger we just visited like to cosplay as Touga and Saionji.

    Oh god… yes… yes…

    >>Rape Santa

    Lost my shit so hard at this one. You captured him beautifully.

  4. These have been the best posts.

  5. Man, mef made this list but I didn’t? So disappointed~😛

  6. I’m not sure which is the greater improvement over your old mascot: the cannon bull or the capitalization.

  7. “Harlock: His artistic output prompts some to compare him to the primal instinct of a Basquiat or a Darger, and others to the quivering hand of a left-handed kindergartner still in the process of being forcibly converted to right-handedness by a cruel Japanese mother.”
    Now that’s a choice turn of phrase.

  8. I couldn’t even comment when I read this at 3am, but I chuckled heartily into the morning. You and Harlock surely throw the best 12 Days parties.

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